“Why don’t you try boxing with me?,” I offered.

At first the answer was no. He had tried it a few years before and decided to quit, at least partially because at that time I wasn’t a patient boxing partner. But as an adult, I recognize that having a physical outlet is essential, especially for depression and anxiety.  And I am 100% certain that endless hours playing video games is resoundingly not the answer for addressing mental health. Now, to be clear, I don’t think exercise cures mood disorders and I don’t think playing video games leads to them. I think video games are great. But as someone who has struggled for years with anxiety, I am 1000% certain that physical activity, and a decrease in screen usage, is part of the healing and maintenance. “You don’t have to keep going if you don’t like it,” I encouraged. Just try it,” I suggested.

“Fine,” he answered.

A room full of fighters can be intimidating. But I have found most fighters to be some of the most humble people in the world. And so that’s why I reached out to kickboxing champion and coach Howie to see if he would work with my son one-on-one before his first class.I knew Howie was open about how he hadn’t always been a fighter and since our youngest child also trains at Forca, I had seen first hand how Howie is always kind with the kids that show up uncoordinated and nervous. Howie went out of his way to remind my middle child it’s okay to be new, nervous, and unsure. After one one-on-one lesson he  was ready to try the full group. 

It’s taken weeks for the edge to wear off and for my son to find his groove. This is not a story of overnight miracles; my son’s anxiety hasn’t magically disappeared. But things are getting better. The cardio, the endorphins, the endurance—all of these things are scientifically proven to combat anxiety,  and I can see it working as he gains confidence and cardio. He is finding pride in learning the punching combos and keeping pace with others, all of whom welcome him and encourage him at every turn.

Brian and I were talking recently about how over the years as a coach and gym owner he has seen a clear delineation between people who come into the gym who live with regular anxiety and those that don’t. People who come in anxious often gravitate toward the actual combat end of things. It gives them a concrete place to channel their daily anxiety. People who don’t have anxiety—that is, those folks who don’t live with the daily symptoms of a racing heart, the constant feeling of being cornered and/or ready to scrap at the drop of a hat, often find the sparring and combat aspects to be anxiety-inducing. In turn, they often  lean more toward the group fitness or yoga classes.

Brian isn’t a mental health professional and I sure as heck am not, but I do know that a certain kind of comradery develops around people who have spent enough years battling their inner demons that they don't have much time to be afraid of someone else. And when teens are in that pendulum sway of a process trying to figure out who they are, their neural pathways are modelable and fragile. And I am so grateful to know that at least part of the time my son is creating grooves in the brain that physically ground him in the realization that anxiety is ever-shifting and not the final story. It does not own him. 

I can’t say for certain if boxing will be a long-term tool in his mental health tool belt in the same way it has been for me. Only he can know that. But I am certain that the bravery and strength he is learning in these moments he will carry with him for the rest of life. If he holds on to that part, he can find his own path. I will be there to cheer him on whatever path he chooses.